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January 13, 1992

Honorable Frank M. Jordan
Mayor, San Francisco
City Hall, Room 200
San Francisco, CA 94102

Dear Mayor Jordan:

    I am moved to write you by the San Francisco Chronicle article of January 7 entitled "Jordan Faces Tough Task To Clean Up Dirty Streets," a copy of which, although I'm certain you've seen it, I'm enclosing for easy reference.

    I believe I have a way to clean up the city's streets, and in fact the whole country's streets, and I don't think it need cost the city, nor the country, a thin dime, nor for that matter a red cent. You and I would both therefore be grateful if your staff would pass my letter on to the person responsible for the dirty streets.

    I am by trade a writer, artist and philosopher, although I am at present employed in the legal industry in San Anselmo. My approach to street trash is literary, artistic, philosophic, and, I'm sure you'll be relieved to know, consummately legal. I won't go into any of the details of my approach or system in this letter simply because there are various rights and marks to be worked out and an appropriate proposal assembled for presentation to the proper person with time to study it.

    I will be in Canada for the next couple of weeks for my father's funeral and to attend to some family matters. Letters, however, will be forwarded to me from the address below, and I will be reachable by phone at one of the numbers below.

    I developed my anti-trash idea actually while living in Oakland in 1989, and still keep that great city in my heart, so am sending a copy of this letter to its mayor, Elihu Harris, who, like you, has every reason to want his streets cleaned, and to whom I really couldn't deny the same services I'm offering San Francisco.

    And I'm copying San Anselmo Mayor, Maria Zaharoff, since I'm now a resident of her fair city and it was there, or here, that I proved that my street trash system worked. In 1990 and 1991 I was able to single-handedly (although at rare times I had the help of my assistant, Lt. Bambi Baguette) clean of all trash, and maintain, a five mile section of San Anselmo and Fairfax, plus some miles of local park roads and trails and some more miles of national parks and city streets as I traveled throughout the western states.

    I reason that if it isn't funny it isn't true, and I confront the resolution of litter in much the same way. My idea is healthy, free, and fun. Your confrontation with a dead rat on your campaign trail is personally poetic because I founded Runners Against Trash (RAT) TM, the body of bodies which can keep the city's streets clean.

    I also reason that there's room for Walkers Against Trash TM (say WAT?), probably Homeless Against Trash TM (pull that out of the HAT), with a little sacrifice Mayors Against Trash TM (Welcome MAT!), and inevitably the weekly, monthly and annual RAT TM Race. And I reason that if the streets of San Francisco are cleaned for free those who pay lawyers to complain about everything will have plenty left over to fund the work.

    I am legitimate. And I have an admittedly unusual past and some possibly unnerving present connections, which would become publicly known if your office communicated to me publicly. I believe, however, that nothing in my past nor present should prevent San Francisco or Oakland or San Anselmo, or anywhere else on God's earth, from having gloriously clean streets. I therefore ask that you have me checked out, starting with the six references provided below.

    I look forward to hearing from your office and to the end of endless litter in 1992.

Very truly yours,

 

 

Gerald Armstrong
707 Fawn Drive
Sleepy Hollow, CA 94960
(415)456-8450
(415)258-0360

cc: Honorable Elihu M. Harris
Mayor, Oakland

Honorable Maria Zaharoff
Mayor, San Anselmo

cc and ref:

Michael J. Flynn, Esquire
Flynn, Sheridan & Tabb
1 Boston Place, 26th Floor
Boston, MA 02108
(617)720-2700

 

Ford Greene, Esquire
711 Sir Francis Drake Blvd.
San Anselmo, CA 94960
(415)258-0360

Thomas McPherson, Esquire
Rankin, Mersereau & Shannon
1600 Benjamin Franklin Plaza
One S.W. Columbia Street
Portland, OR 97258
(503)226-6400

Toby L. Plevin, Esquire
10700 Santa Monica Blvd.,
Suite 4-300
Westwood, CA 90025
(213)788-8660

Michael L. Walton, Esquire
P.O. Box 751
San Anselmo, CA 94979
(415)456-7920

Joseph A. Yanny, Esquire
1925 Century Park East,
Suite 1260
Los Angeles, CA 90067
(213)551-2966

c: The Gerald Armstrong Corporation

 

 
 

Letter from Mayor Jordan 11-16- 1992

 

 

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